http://www.jameskirkham.com/blog

what?

because I sat once to write a good note and felt good and whole and came to some further synthesis and understanding, one ring out in eternity but for my expansion and my personality a real wow, like seeing through into the nature of things.

and now still strung out on that first vision.

still hung up on myself as I was and as I can be, seeing potential and going mad, no control, a real junky, strung out on revelation, incapacitated, immobile.

I never accomplish a thing.

I am always looking out the windows of my life hoping for the summer to end this winter of my discontent. first waiting for just a sign of spring to indicate my emancipation coming, then, after my powers swelled and I continued to grow I hoped for summer in an instant, instant release from the confines of my gloomy fate. always this falling gray winter of my sordid discontent.

when summer did not defy its own law and appear, and yet spring was no sooner coming and showing not a twinge or a sign, I thought I might have to work for my freedom and so took my first step upon the path.

Experience

What I have not experienced is not real for me.

I am what I have experienced.

So allow me to throw my arms in the air and embrace the experience of today.

I will set a high bar and each day exceed it. I will show up to my life and live it out.

I will read these words before I go out tomorrow and I will remember to live this day to its utmost. Yes. This life is for the choosing. So choose and do and when you have done do again, your life is your experience, that is all.

What will come tomorrow? What can I paint on this blank canvas called today? What fears will rise? How will I face them? What temptations? How will the path be manifest today and how well can I follow the path?

A written challenge to myself I see. A life lived for freedom and goodness. I will drop my grabbing now. It is done. I will be happy. I will live everyday as full as possible. I will be a man. I will draw my life together. I will be a man of God. I will draw my life together with God. I will face my life now with triumph, I have rested. I have expanded. I am strong now and will be a man.

Today I stand up for my life.

What can be accomplished for the good of all things today?

New Love

now sitting room a little tired listening to the killers and digging my mind, digging how I am always going there when I am here and always here when I could be there and never really knowing which way is up, which way is down, and digging the swim for sure.

now standing in the dark, 3:04am Varkala, Kerala, India, Urantia, Satania.

all things needed roll right out in front before me and I step gently with a full heart into my destiny. so we will have to know this and take these lessons for proof of the finality. and we will have to walk, how nice? we walk together and alone. in pairs, in thrices, walking to and fro twice over the difficult hurdles or more but we will make it, what else to do? this will have to be our love and it will have to be free. certainly, so this is me.

walking. loving life. seeing every test before or after but seeing it clear and then this great joy swims up into my heart and silent I shout for joy, "wow." i really dig it, this is a magic ride and I got my carpet when I was born. blessed for sure. everything forever has lead me now here and everything forever more will lead me to Him, but that is a great mystery and should not be spoken of, cannot be spoken of. but it is there.

so we go home now and forever, painful sometimes I know but lets dig being home and going home all at once, forever fam, forever. oh we are up and down now and then aren't we? we go left and right and dig everything sometimes crying alone often no tears but we cry. and we laugh. we hope so hard we make it come, we know it comes and we hold our hands up and open our crowns and just say say, "come, come." it is so easy, yes?

and so hard family, stretching like always being broken. again and again we are broken because we are growing and wow the Light comes fast and hard when it starts and accelerates because you open your heart and your mind is blown to bits.

you, me, so I say we and know that I speak for all of us somehow, and you speak for all of us same how. same means by which we are unified and stitch with a similar thread, the same running through us all. bear me witness and I you. what do you think? can i put it down?

so now standing knowing I see it all and dig the pattern everywhere. I can put down the whole generation. lay it straight and shine a mirror for everyone to see their own awakening. oh, my aspirations are beyond the veil in this world and I feel great power. I can execute if I want I am only honing my skill.

I am an archer and I will not miss. I love you so you love me too even when you do not know it. and when you know it we are in love.

do you fancy being in love with me?

so lets love and follow love and be in love forever together, maybve we can just roll straight out of here back home and never walk again. but for now the path is before us and I'd rather walk with you dear one and we can all walk together if you wish. I am here for us now and I am here for the mad expression of all things bursting forth, and it comes through my chest. my words strike each moment successively, a clock, perfect timing, perfect rhythm.

you wonder if I am mad. and I am. but there is something else. I must have something you know, there must be something going on, what is? where are we going? what is the world? what is God?

shall I go or should I stay?

well. lets take it easy and walk slow, feel the earth on your feet, the weight and shift, your body moving with each step. now we can walk together and talk a bit and I will bring hot tea in my thermos and we will meet many friends along the way and everything will flow out before our secret, a great unfolding secret,

always there is more.

Is this a REVOLUTION?

This is evolution. This is love. Divine Love expanding. No lust. No need. No greed. This is love.

But is this revolution?

Political revolution?

Economic revolution?

Is this a revolution of religion?

Are we revolutionaries? We are evolutionaries, expanding, allowing, growing, glowing in the Light.

I think we are beyond revolution, literally shaking the foundation, we stand on the shoulders of political revolutions, we now experience revolution of religion but it is better termed revelation.

We are revlationaries, but are we revolutionaries?

I think not. This will not be a revolution (I once thought it was), now I see we are beyond revolution, we bring the Light.

No ideologies, no dichotomies, no arms, no battles, no wars, no Che, no Mandela, no King, but, oh yes, the Thing that burned in their hearts is now made manifest, the Light.

We will do all things and all things will be changed but our struggle is not for a new politcal system, a new market, or a new religion. This is the Coming of The Religion, the Light is here. It came with me, and with you, and is now being made manifest.

This is a revolution, but we are a revelation, and this is hands free, expansion is our weapon and the assurance of victory predestined, eternal.

A New Vision of the Hope that I Confess

I wanted to tell the truth and let it all out. I will have to. I will have to leave it on the table and see what I am made of, I will have to look at least in the harder places, I will have to fulfill my promise. What are my designations, to where am I headed? I can tell you a wonderful story I feel in my heart and a new vision for love on this planet. I may tell you the story if I can let myself go, I will let go by putting this down for posterity. I will say that too and be upfront about prophecy and I will remember this morning reading Paul, prophecy without love is nothing. So, prophecy but what of love and this is my question. I love when I feel hate because though I am low and stuck in the flesh I see the light in my head, the hope of my life rests on the light because I can see it and feel it, I study it and reckon the transmutation of my flesh. I feel pain but always no matter what the feeling I see the light in my head, to be honest I see Light in my head. There can be no battle, no slip, or fall because I see and feel always the swelling, shining Light in my head.

Austin, God Is inside me. I know. But your words check something in me, just like the day in Frisco on the Bart to the departure airport saturday. Integrate also that God is Outside of you.

David, when we connect at the heart we are sustainable. I am helping you build the land in the light.

Sophia, stop thinking. Only style tip is dress by your heart and that will take you to GQ.

Lyndsay, I am in India. Love.

James&Stacey, bless.

Mason, concentrate in the center of your head, the Pineal gland.

M&P. Love for everything, I have been blessed since I was born.

Doubt

I am in India.

For two years I have been dreaming about India.

We say dreams are good and a man should reach for his dreams, I wonder if dreams are not just a confusing mess and an elaborate trick, the worst and most convincing pull out of the present moment.

I dreamed of India and now I just want to go home.

I will give space to these feelings. I will sit with these feelings. If I run from myself now I may never know myself again, I may certainly die. Why am I panicked? Why is fear my mistress? Always I am running from myself and I feel I am a hopeless failure.

Sure I could leave these thoughts and wait for the joy again, but this is me now. I feel that I am lost and will never be found. I feel that I am the worst type of person, a complete fake, reckless, turbulent emotions...

Sometimes I just want to die. But I know that life is eternal and I will go nowhere and forever I will carry me with me, forever and everywhere I will have to be myself and I hate my own company, oh so where shall I go in eternity to escape my own torture, self inflicted?

Why must I be me?

Broken. Already I am dead, the shell is cracking, either I will emerge or I will stay within, scared, hopeless, completely hallow, shallow, ruined.

Or I will emerge. I must remember the other side, I must give credence to that which I don't know I don't, that which is a surprise and may spring from the work done now.

If I leave now I may never forgive myself.

I know this feeling. I quit Pop Warner football after the first day of practice when I was 9 years old. Then, 20, I realized I wanted to play football and should have played in High School. So now it is here again, that first day of practice and if I stay I will get to play, and if I leave I may do a million things in my life but I will never have gone to practice that next day.

And it was just because the helmet was too small and the coaches yelled. What will I do this time?

Stay and play or run and hide from myself again?

You think certainly I will not quit. But I do not know. I am a quitter sometimes, and have quit many times in my life...I can quit again, I can...