Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
also the new, and this is that. a statement. oh the final word that I am seeking. may I end up happy and peaceful and free.
did I realize my freedom first? how could I know? where was I to land? burned so high and long last night that I have nothing now to give, beautiful Sunday morning, good times Frisco and a whole cat bag of stories to tell already, here for 24 hours now.
I always end up in some backward town with a handkerchief around my neck.
Last night, a near full moon powering the whole fiasco and a whole lot of get up and go. Matt, Sophia, David, Jonathan, Kavan, Sarah, Rabbit, Heather, Celest, Claire, Mike, Rachel, John, Keith, Aman, Tobias, Kailey, Manu, so many great people all day long, a whole long list of them stretching all the way back to Todd, the first, sitting next to him on the train, sitting down in Portland, he departing at Salem, and then Rae the last completing our circuit last night sitting on the couch and in a circle with David and Kavan and Sophia and Rae, and her and I open and free to a massive connecting energy. Can I describe how? Or even what? She giggled, I kept falling backward into clear, objective, incredibly free ranges and perspectives of dynamic personality manifestation. I can't write now, just trying to move through the broken, move into the completed word.
Todd and the train and never married, Christian, praying but not attending service and feeling like maybe he should and his mom telling him he should. Celest, comic book artist, book tour starting in New Orleans. telling me to be a nurse, free, spiritual work, two or three days a week even. Celest, a scrapping by artist, self-published and rolling out of town to promote and hope on her sabbatical work and market and produce, publish, eight hours a day or more for four months. Claire, Kavan's auntie, Indian travelled, awakened woman, a wild conversation, unifying, drawing conclusions, looking out across my life, receiving advice and hopeful joy at the opportunity before all, just thanks and really feeling and loving that my life is now and I am becoming what I must become and love and need to become.
Now this morning I understand better my Love and why and what I feel when I direct my heart at beauty and really dig the subtle presence of deep love and the expression in form as beauty like Art and a Flower and Nature and She. always I wonder She, and love She, and see in me and in my life a magnificent romance lived out part in fantasy yes but a faithful rendering of desire in life. the love story is I and beauty, and beauty expressed as woman, and she, or girl even I prefer.
girls and boys just getting along great in the universe.
now experiencing subtle, no demand, no movement, love, just sitting in deep meditation and holding hands sometimes but we even did it across the room, Rae was sitting up straight against the couch and I was sitting at the far end of the other couch and could feel a chilling warmth when I reached my hand up and opened up to connecting to her crown. incredible space, the woman said it, Kathy, the mother of the night and my mother now because she got me a great blanket and procured orange juice that I had said I wanted but did not want to take the last bit so did not take and she insisted saying "with all the energy you have expended by holding this space for so long this evening, you should drink it for rejuvenation." but I did not drink it.
I am a space man, I walk alone.
Rae, beautiful sunshine. We spoke three words until the end of the night but spoke a thousand words in silence. Her giggle was the proof of everything. We know the world in our chests and can see, the walls fall and we see around corners. I heard her laugh this morning still beautiful all knowing Buddha laugh because Life is Beautiful Miracle and you feel it and know before and beyond mind, a simple subtle all-prevading all-knowing presence.
Hold the light in your head and be wise, centered in your samadhi. The first rule of White Magic:
1. the Solar Angel collects himself, scatters not his force, but in meditation deep, communicates with his reflection.
collect yourself, center your samadhi, ground the heart in the head and hold the light in the wisdom of the crown and know what your power is for and the use of it, skillful, perfect, clever,
controlled by the focused attention of the soul in contemplation, acting through
the head centre, focused in the region of the third eye and swept into right and
specific activity by an act of the will.
First Will. The will is the engine of manifestation powered by the heart. The will is simply ascertained when you allow yourself to do what you know you have to do, what you think you should do, your destiny, self-chosen, but critical. When you do what you must you do the Will and you fulfill your heart. The love in the heart powers will, and between these two feels like Great Hope. Will is the faith and power to believe in the best and to live the best out and to be the great you, you know you must be.
Second Imagination. the image is held in the mind. The will is aimed at the image held in the mind via the freedom and creative ability of the imagination. channeled by the buddhi, the intellect. the imagination provides the canvas, it is the actualization of the love in the heart in form, in the world, providing for and enhancing communication between human beings, tending unto the light, holding to the coming of peace, understanding, and conscious communal growth.
Grounding. I taught, and knew better myself, the importance of grounding. hook into the earth through your omega chakra and then go up. to go up you have to go down. root and then shoot the shoot up to Gods in the ethers. see? Grounding will allow us greater, more rapid ascension with less mutational symptoms and a clean line, which is all already done but also is to be done and thus fun to think and jot these notes of how we can do, and really change, and really save this world.
Decension. Now grounded the Universe will flow into you, through you, in you, clearing you, peaceful circulation, creating a space and defining, teasing upward even the ascension. open up to the crown. listen by the crown and allow Truth to descend, illumination, drawing the light and teasing, empowering, tugging the Kundalini upward.
Ascension. the raising of the Kundalini through the psychic centers, the unfolding total Wisdom via initiation and activation of inward and upward wise knowings, not supposings, but experiential, energetic, change and the opening of the heart and the clearing of the obstacles on the path.
a man can know nothing until the Kundalini is eating from the cap. the soma flows over, wisdom, illumination, Light pouring out of your crown, this is samadhi and the perfect unity of Love and Power and Wisdom. until then a man is susceptible to Karma and the energetic web of the material, the pull and push on his psychic centers and the drawing away of his mind. grounded in his samadhi the yogi rests in wisdom and power.
Now I sit and see the world i build in the Light. I go now to build a new earth in the light. I am. I am and We am. I is We and Am is "I AM WHO I AM." The final resting presence of the Universe. Everything is about me and I am seeing clearly the work to be done and the means to achieve the goals therein. Now an initiated man. Claire told me, and described perfect the female and the initiation of the man into the sacred female. No longer a brute man, now consciously aware of the curriculum, the teacher, the goal. Initated into the Wisdom of the Thing To Be Known, occult, illuminati, the power that powers the Universe and plays now into the evolution of man on earth, going into the Light, hooking into the crystalline structures, downloading the light body, creating an expansive heart center, yes, holding the earth in our hearts.
Everything is known now. Everything is knowable now. Everything must be known now BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
I spent my words last night and have nothing but a calm, post-coital clarity. Massive currents of Light and Love were flowing through my body. I remember telling that great curly head girl, Reily, yes that is her name looking now in my notebook where she signed and left for my use her email account, about eating fat and oil to rebuild my nervous system. Feeling last night, dizzy hung over from energy in my body from Light coursing though my nerves. A trillion synapses firing, expanding, opening up to more and more light. knowing the need for the upgrade ten months back or whenever that was, feeling the rebuilding of the myocylin sheaths. enabling my nervous system to download and hold more light and conduct greater degrees of Light in Power and Love.
Then I would fall back and the rush of light that brought me there, static almost, like pushing and trying to draw the light down, but then falling behind the trying and that is when she giggled, when I felt more free and more expansive and beyond thought. I recall once clearly expanding into a room of white light.
Why is the light streaming in front of a dark background? Even when it is bright there is a substrate, negative space...I put both hands on her one hand and let go of all effort and trying and then knowing power and wisdom and samadhi, calm and centered in the realization, she saw and understood and loved everything. We were in the light, sharing secrets, giggling even about the power of the energy and the insight of the vision and the glowing, spreading, expanding Light.
I want to work, I don't want to go to bed, I don't want to work, I want to put down words and dig this blue sky city, quiet now the morning after Halloween. what to say though and where are we going? Do you know? Do I know? Do we need to know? I can put down lines...
I want to write about Rae but I see now that connection unspeakable. Maybe if I write enough I will be Walt Whitman. I am Walt Whitman, I am the becoming of the artist in full. Delusions of grandeur? I am a victim of my own expansion and this weed does pump me high and leave me out to dry no worries now it is calm Sunday morning and there is nothing to do or worry about or even write about but what a beautiful city to wake on and what beautiful people last night. Expansive. Now I center and bring everything back to me, to One Point and to the calm knowing, wisdom of the crown powered by love of the heart.
I am free. This is my life. Now sitting Saturday morning typing this note and I have nothing to do but type this note and rest and pray and rejuvenate today.
Kavan went directly to sleep. I now sitting, blanket over my shoulders. Mint tea. Rosary, notebook, pad of paper, pen, solopipe, Love. What does it sound like to tell the story of your unique heart? The story sounds like a wild tale but rings true and resonates, it is sincerity, integrity and heart. No notebook notes to help guide me. Scribbling notes on a legal pad trying to get my story straight. I told it last night a thousand times to a hundred faces and every time each listened, attentive I hold the ear of the people and deliver the truth in pill form consumable by the consumption of my personality. Jonathan is doing the same. Deliver the message via the consumption of personality, cult of personality, somehow though always moving past the personality. How to not get stuck nor stick others on the personality, but have them (everyone) move to the Truth that expression states.
I am the things I believe because the things I believe determine my actions and my actions are the consequence and reward of my life.
its about freedom
creating your own world
a king has to have his own castle
his own queen
his own prince, and princess
and he must be
in communication with other kings,
with other gods.