Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
also the new, and this is that. a statement. oh the final word that I am seeking. may I end up happy and peaceful and free.
did I realize my freedom first? how could I know? where was I to land? burned so high and long last night that I have nothing now to give, beautiful Sunday morning, good times Frisco and a whole cat bag of stories to tell already, here for 24 hours now.
I always end up in some backward town with a handkerchief around my neck.
Last night, a near full moon powering the whole fiasco and a whole lot of get up and go. Matt, Sophia, David, Jonathan, Kavan, Sarah, Rabbit, Heather, Celest, Claire, Mike, Rachel, John, Keith, Aman, Tobias, Kailey, Manu, so many great people all day long, a whole long list of them stretching all the way back to Todd, the first, sitting next to him on the train, sitting down in Portland, he departing at Salem, and then Rae the last completing our circuit last night sitting on the couch and in a circle with David and Kavan and Sophia and Rae, and her and I open and free to a massive connecting energy. Can I describe how? Or even what? She giggled, I kept falling backward into clear, objective, incredibly free ranges and perspectives of dynamic personality manifestation. I can't write now, just trying to move through the broken, move into the completed word.
Todd and the train and never married, Christian, praying but not attending service and feeling like maybe he should and his mom telling him he should. Celest, comic book artist, book tour starting in New Orleans. telling me to be a nurse, free, spiritual work, two or three days a week even. Celest, a scrapping by artist, self-published and rolling out of town to promote and hope on her sabbatical work and market and produce, publish, eight hours a day or more for four months. Claire, Kavan's auntie, Indian travelled, awakened woman, a wild conversation, unifying, drawing conclusions, looking out across my life, receiving advice and hopeful joy at the opportunity before all, just thanks and really feeling and loving that my life is now and I am becoming what I must become and love and need to become.
Now this morning I understand better my Love and why and what I feel when I direct my heart at beauty and really dig the subtle presence of deep love and the expression in form as beauty like Art and a Flower and Nature and She. always I wonder She, and love She, and see in me and in my life a magnificent romance lived out part in fantasy yes but a faithful rendering of desire in life. the love story is I and beauty, and beauty expressed as woman, and she, or girl even I prefer.
girls and boys just getting along great in the universe.
now experiencing subtle, no demand, no movement, love, just sitting in deep meditation and holding hands sometimes but we even did it across the room, Rae was sitting up straight against the couch and I was sitting at the far end of the other couch and could feel a chilling warmth when I reached my hand up and opened up to connecting to her crown. incredible space, the woman said it, Kathy, the mother of the night and my mother now because she got me a great blanket and procured orange juice that I had said I wanted but did not want to take the last bit so did not take and she insisted saying "with all the energy you have expended by holding this space for so long this evening, you should drink it for rejuvenation." but I did not drink it.
I am a space man, I walk alone.
Rae, beautiful sunshine. We spoke three words until the end of the night but spoke a thousand words in silence. Her giggle was the proof of everything. We know the world in our chests and can see, the walls fall and we see around corners. I heard her laugh this morning still beautiful all knowing Buddha laugh because Life is Beautiful Miracle and you feel it and know before and beyond mind, a simple subtle all-prevading all-knowing presence.
Hold the light in your head and be wise, centered in your samadhi. The first rule of White Magic:
1. the Solar Angel collects himself, scatters not his force, but in meditation deep, communicates with his reflection.
collect yourself, center your samadhi, ground the heart in the head and hold the light in the wisdom of the crown and know what your power is for and the use of it, skillful, perfect, clever,
controlled by the focused attention of the soul in contemplation, acting through
the head centre, focused in the region of the third eye and swept into right and
specific activity by an act of the will.
First Will. The will is the engine of manifestation powered by the heart. The will is simply ascertained when you allow yourself to do what you know you have to do, what you think you should do, your destiny, self-chosen, but critical. When you do what you must you do the Will and you fulfill your heart. The love in the heart powers will, and between these two feels like Great Hope. Will is the faith and power to believe in the best and to live the best out and to be the great you, you know you must be.
Second Imagination. the image is held in the mind. The will is aimed at the image held in the mind via the freedom and creative ability of the imagination. channeled by the buddhi, the intellect. the imagination provides the canvas, it is the actualization of the love in the heart in form, in the world, providing for and enhancing communication between human beings, tending unto the light, holding to the coming of peace, understanding, and conscious communal growth.
Grounding. I taught, and knew better myself, the importance of grounding. hook into the earth through your omega chakra and then go up. to go up you have to go down. root and then shoot the shoot up to Gods in the ethers. see? Grounding will allow us greater, more rapid ascension with less mutational symptoms and a clean line, which is all already done but also is to be done and thus fun to think and jot these notes of how we can do, and really change, and really save this world.
Decension. Now grounded the Universe will flow into you, through you, in you, clearing you, peaceful circulation, creating a space and defining, teasing upward even the ascension. open up to the crown. listen by the crown and allow Truth to descend, illumination, drawing the light and teasing, empowering, tugging the Kundalini upward.
Ascension. the raising of the Kundalini through the psychic centers, the unfolding total Wisdom via initiation and activation of inward and upward wise knowings, not supposings, but experiential, energetic, change and the opening of the heart and the clearing of the obstacles on the path.
a man can know nothing until the Kundalini is eating from the cap. the soma flows over, wisdom, illumination, Light pouring out of your crown, this is samadhi and the perfect unity of Love and Power and Wisdom. until then a man is susceptible to Karma and the energetic web of the material, the pull and push on his psychic centers and the drawing away of his mind. grounded in his samadhi the yogi rests in wisdom and power.
Now I sit and see the world i build in the Light. I go now to build a new earth in the light. I am. I am and We am. I is We and Am is "I AM WHO I AM." The final resting presence of the Universe. Everything is about me and I am seeing clearly the work to be done and the means to achieve the goals therein. Now an initiated man. Claire told me, and described perfect the female and the initiation of the man into the sacred female. No longer a brute man, now consciously aware of the curriculum, the teacher, the goal. Initated into the Wisdom of the Thing To Be Known, occult, illuminati, the power that powers the Universe and plays now into the evolution of man on earth, going into the Light, hooking into the crystalline structures, downloading the light body, creating an expansive heart center, yes, holding the earth in our hearts.
Everything is known now. Everything is knowable now. Everything must be known now BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
I spent my words last night and have nothing but a calm, post-coital clarity. Massive currents of Light and Love were flowing through my body. I remember telling that great curly head girl, Reily, yes that is her name looking now in my notebook where she signed and left for my use her email account, about eating fat and oil to rebuild my nervous system. Feeling last night, dizzy hung over from energy in my body from Light coursing though my nerves. A trillion synapses firing, expanding, opening up to more and more light. knowing the need for the upgrade ten months back or whenever that was, feeling the rebuilding of the myocylin sheaths. enabling my nervous system to download and hold more light and conduct greater degrees of Light in Power and Love.
Then I would fall back and the rush of light that brought me there, static almost, like pushing and trying to draw the light down, but then falling behind the trying and that is when she giggled, when I felt more free and more expansive and beyond thought. I recall once clearly expanding into a room of white light.
Why is the light streaming in front of a dark background? Even when it is bright there is a substrate, negative space...I put both hands on her one hand and let go of all effort and trying and then knowing power and wisdom and samadhi, calm and centered in the realization, she saw and understood and loved everything. We were in the light, sharing secrets, giggling even about the power of the energy and the insight of the vision and the glowing, spreading, expanding Light.
I want to work, I don't want to go to bed, I don't want to work, I want to put down words and dig this blue sky city, quiet now the morning after Halloween. what to say though and where are we going? Do you know? Do I know? Do we need to know? I can put down lines...
I want to write about Rae but I see now that connection unspeakable. Maybe if I write enough I will be Walt Whitman. I am Walt Whitman, I am the becoming of the artist in full. Delusions of grandeur? I am a victim of my own expansion and this weed does pump me high and leave me out to dry no worries now it is calm Sunday morning and there is nothing to do or worry about or even write about but what a beautiful city to wake on and what beautiful people last night. Expansive. Now I center and bring everything back to me, to One Point and to the calm knowing, wisdom of the crown powered by love of the heart.
I am free. This is my life. Now sitting Saturday morning typing this note and I have nothing to do but type this note and rest and pray and rejuvenate today.
Kavan went directly to sleep. I now sitting, blanket over my shoulders. Mint tea. Rosary, notebook, pad of paper, pen, solopipe, Love. What does it sound like to tell the story of your unique heart? The story sounds like a wild tale but rings true and resonates, it is sincerity, integrity and heart. No notebook notes to help guide me. Scribbling notes on a legal pad trying to get my story straight. I told it last night a thousand times to a hundred faces and every time each listened, attentive I hold the ear of the people and deliver the truth in pill form consumable by the consumption of my personality. Jonathan is doing the same. Deliver the message via the consumption of personality, cult of personality, somehow though always moving past the personality. How to not get stuck nor stick others on the personality, but have them (everyone) move to the Truth that expression states.
I am the things I believe because the things I believe determine my actions and my actions are the consequence and reward of my life.
its about freedom
creating your own world
a king has to have his own castle
his own queen
his own prince, and princess
and he must be
in communication with other kings,
with other gods.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
well this will be a short story of love and i will have to tell it twice. the first and the second. well once for all time but the second time is a play, a drama, an acting of it out on the stage of life. experience life in motion, actually do it and see what your life is about. striking the heart of the matter of life. a night living the fast of life and letting it out. letting it go with the heathens. pray for the heathens in their midst. i dont know why but i ran from the church into the city to see the heathens and be one. letting loose and playing. play in the field. my father says stay in the field and play your game. i added the second half but i DO say live your life out and know what it is you need now at this eternal nexus. what do you need to know your life better? what do you need to do to be in the heart of all things? are these simple questions? well we will see.
and he said again his story about the night. and the half moon. the men and women squirrely on a half moon friday night and they were like lust and love and drugs. yes they were. night is the wicked reflection moonlight lusting in the dark for hope. for adventure. you lust for love. you lust for comic book hero status, you lust to be a movie star of your life. do you star role in the picture of your life? i want to know. o' reflection of me tell me what you need? just live your life out how you must live it in full to know who you are. that is all.
am i Hamlet?
where is Hamlet and where am i? if we are one then i say i will stay in the opera of my life. i say i will glow so bright. and tyler katsos said to me "you are the portrait of the artist as a young man." and later he said something about Joyce that i don't quite remember but when he said it i thought i might be Joyce too. earlier in the door, in the day, i thought clearly that i might be Kerouac, Jacky Kerouacy, but then thought, and later repeated to Whitney, that it was too soon. she agreed like that must be absolutely correct. i dont really feel like Joyce anyhow (i feel like Ti-jean) but that is because Ginsberg gave me the mantle of the American poet and prophecy over the ocean one night on psliocybin trudging through the surf, cold, wet, on fire listening to the land and the sea speak of pollution and freedom and power and the reality of time on earth and the fall of man (well the fall of man's artiface), man trudging through the surf trying so hard with soul screaming out, the entire of humanity i am saying but i was there alone in the surf laughing at the great cosmic joke of eternity and literally heard for certain also because i recorded the morning after and said then that i heard the voice of Ginsberg out over the ocean and he was laughing, just howling, and the buildings of man's artifice stood with lights and the sea stretched out for eternity and the one Eternity and the other Man and the futility of fighting or even thinking it possible to "not love God," for God is love and he created you in love for freedom and there is no religion and no church but there is something!!
feel it in your life, no? and then i thought and rethought that moment and a whole series of wild moments stretching back and out to the future, back to my past and some trail i saw in memory of where i had been and what i had come for. or what i had come to feel in my life. which i have to feel. i took that memory and felt it again when i was in the bay area and felt the call out across the ocean but now the call of the land and that was east and the train back and forth across the land twice at lest now and three times up and down the coast. a series of wild eye opening moments in my life opened me up to something behind something we see and know and feel and assume. the something behind the something calls to you in subtle patterns. clear and distinct but demanding humility and a certain willingness to look and what must be looked at, for love, and hope, and the demands of your soul. i carried every memory with me across the land and was me but me growing each time i found myself in a new city, freedom always rising, the clear and final sense that what i wanted was achievable and so i started feeling responsible. your life is your life. live it out. i saw visions of God, had visions of glitz and the cool put on fresh for the whole world and for the peace that passeth understanding.
I AM STILL HERE DO NOT FORGOT ME.
i said this was a short love story and here it is now good. i saw the entire world, my experience of everything, as energy in flux. but dig man that i can see everything in rainbow energy. i see no colors really. i cant see auras but i can feel them and when i listen i can sense the matrix of energy about me. it is made. so i felt love in my heart and couldnt put words to it. i feel love right now and thought this story could dig it out. what about names and dates and places? where are the characters in my story? record the movie of your miraculous life in some form for posterity and for the expansion of your entire experience. my life in consciousness...
she was energy exactly and wonderfully complimentary. female energy and magic energy and power of beauty on earth energy and i could dig her polar opposite. and really dig it because i was grounded in my energy and the tension and static and rising vibration was healing and made me feel whole. i even have twangs of guilt thinking i can take too much energy. but i dont know if i am taking it so much, i think synergy. the universe is a differential and all things big and small have energy potential and gradients and so the energy flows from one place to another and the synergy of the movement equalizes and unifies and neutralizes but intensifies exponentially the pairing.
there is a closed rose and that same energy is full in her fragance. the rose smells like beauty which is incredible because i can feel beauty behind every sign and symbol. i can feel beauty before the rose and before her. and then the rose appears and she appears and beauty takes form. the form of beauty arises so grand in my life that i feel with certainty and joy the towering immensity of existence and what this all really means. which is nothing. but remember the void, and buddha said form is emptiness, emptiness is form. so the one the other and so on.
beauty arises in my life and i shout with joy! because what a thing to behold beauty and who am i to be graced with beauty in form? and to see it and to know it and really dig what it says, what she attests to, and the fragrance of the rose, really points all the way to God. that old loaded word now but He Whom About Naught May Be Said is maybe better.
the simple beauty lying before me is That and expresses divinity subtly but surely. i may spend my life describing this beauty in form to create and to make love. infinite beauty changing form, mutable, in flux, even consciousness itself, but always expressing beauty, and truth and goodness. but right now i dig beauty because it smells and feels so good. because it is there and vibrant and hoping on life and hoping on hope alone really. just simple life, now cooling fall and the first of the snow now far off but the slide is the slide and always lands four days before christmas, the final longest coldest day and then the climb back. but now sliding into winter. how great it is! how great it is to feel life in my blood and life on the horizon and beauty in form next to me that assures me i am alive and that life sings.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I will have to save this as something i will never find. can i just type these words for a quick on? put them down when the energy rolls. dont be foiled by the simple trap plan of the world first presented to you. everyone looks at that breaking age in life, 16 or 19 or 22, they break away from what they know (hopefully for soul's growth reasons) but so easily slip into a reflection of the same tho with starry atributes. i have seen those lights, that simple glow out over hollywood the surging call of Babylon and all that infrastructure running that droning vibration intto the empty desert at its borders and beyond. that never slow vibration of the big city that just keeps churning. the sun rises every morning and we get in our cars and drive to work. the realest God filling work in the world is the home. the family, at the married paired, is the foundation of his kingdom on Earth. i see now a new version of my same old dream, always growing, always going along, divided and synthesizing, the epic endless outpouring. by my deeds i attest the extension of His Being, love. love in Action is the age. are we the children of the Age of God coming? yes we are. we are the very start of a new outpouring. maybe not the start for sure, I can feel the ancestry and the passing forth of He, but now we roll into anew. i know the new because I was, am being, transformed absolutely from the inside out. I love rolling on the keyboard. trying to get it down. what? the final life and the coming into being of great. yes the great that is to come. that is here.
I attest to experience and the coming into evermore light. illumination. from God within outward, literally becoming as Light, extending Love through the Universe. the trinity is finally One. i am thankful to be God, by His Creation, and not to be my crazy self. God created me. Now i render service to God through service in the kingdom by the extension of love. yes. i do nothing but I AM He. You see I am He and then i can just be with God. He loves creation and now I am creating these words for God. I just roll on the writer and try to slip a tongue. i try to slip the roll see the beat turned up and now it is a flow but there isnt much there. and i DO want to tell you secrets. and I do want to confuse you with the spirit forevermore. I will see you now as Spirit and I as Spirit and we All as flowing spirit. thank you that these words (which are what?) can be struck and put down with such ease. will ever I ever have the discipline to Write in time to the rhythm of the story as it fows out from my heart, and to really get it down so it is genuine?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Well the road ahead does split a bit and I see myself walking down either path.
How do I choose when I can see the road ahead, on both paths I can see myself walking?
I walk slowly down the path, on either side, the two converge, they diverge also, at points here and there they even cross and run away from each other.
I walk down the path, it is my life to walk this path and to make choices at the forks and three-way splits and round-abouts in the path, to follow my heart in the midst of confusion and deceit.
The sun rises over all paths and God walks beside me along every path.
Life is beautiful when I see that it is magnificent possibility and free will and the coming into being of the One and greatest Divine Plan.
See the paths of life,
how they split and grow,
and carry away to the horizon?